My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
