she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
