walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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