When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
