so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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