I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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