He told me they were just razor bumps!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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