Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
