you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
