im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize