hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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