you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
