theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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