this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We're too hungover to prance.
A bitchslap is in order.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
