well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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