When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
