Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
