you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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