just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
