i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
