I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
