My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
