these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
whose parrot is this?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize