I cannot find my penis.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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