she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FUCK WHALES
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