I wish life had little blips of pornography
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My liver just had a heart attack.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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