Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
