Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's always time for handjobs
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
