**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
