Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
