Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize