just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
