Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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