Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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