I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
