if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
