If i come over, it means nothing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize