tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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