Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
