Having a random hookup so left but love u
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
