i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
