eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
