I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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