I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
