Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
