I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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