Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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