May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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