Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize