I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
