A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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