Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize