12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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