I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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