We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
