i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
