I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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