i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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