Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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