went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
