respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
