Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize