Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize