sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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