and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
