i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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