I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
