did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
do nipples grow back?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
