So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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