Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
