Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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