the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
